A Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Waste

During one of the house clean-out days last week, Jeckle found, stashed away in the corner of a small, high shelf of a floor-to-ceiling cabinet, a stack of computer discs labeled "back-ups." Jeckle's husband (who still has no clever name but for now we'll call him), Mr. Wizard, has been going through them. There were thousands and thousands (he actually said millions but that sounds like too many even given the hyberbolic-made that up!- nature of this whole situation) of photos of a pornographic nature.

But there were also thousands of what I'm going to call virtual index cards (remember, Hyde wrote everything on index cards), laid out on the page in rows and columns, each one containing one-line declarations that fell into one of the following categories: People who endorsed Hyde for President, sexualized slurs against a variety of people and groups, "revelations" about the "show" that was going on across from Heckle Street (my grandparents named their street after me), names of "mafia" connected people and businesses, and a slew of "...will be put to death" cards.

A sampling...

* Steve Forbes; Jesse Jackson, Jr.; Coretta Scott King; Sammy Davis, Jr.; Bill Schneider; Shirley MacClaine; Bob Dylan; Orrin Hatch; Karl Rove; George Stephanopolous; Karl Rove; Sam Donaldson, Allan Colmes...all endorse Hyde for President.

* Bill Frist: We need Hyde now.
* Boehner: Hyde looks like our best bet.
* Rove: Hyde has a first-rate political mind.
* Rove: The two living greatest political geniuses-Bill Clinton and Hyde.

* The (local) police have no penises.
* Bruise Obama's asshole.
* Bruise the Coach's asshole.
* The Coach's wife has a penis.

* The "actors" in front of Heckle Street are all criminals.
* The people across the street are also on T.V.
* Criminals: Everyone is aware of this slide show.
* This is the real Truman Show.

* Some mafia-run businesses (according to Hyde) included Domino's, local hospitals, the police, the state FBI, churches, local car dealerships, and the local mortuaries.

And the list of those that will be put to death include the Coach, the nursing home staff, the personal trainers at the local gym; Hyde's long-time doctor, former friends, me, Jeckle, and our cousin, JFK (he has always reminded me of him, so why not?).

He billed himself as "a stranger in a strange land."

All of these particular files were backed-up on May 17th, two or three days before he died.

Now we know why he called no one. EVERYONE was his "sworn enemy" (to borrow his expression) and, Jeckle and I imagine, he was probably raging against all of his imaginary enemies as he was bleeding out: "You goddamn criminals! You're not going to lure me into your hands with this little stunt!"