The Beginning of the End

In my last post in 2008, I wrote that Sissy and I had made the decision to spend Christmas together. I anticipated this being difficult. Little did I know.

Sissy and I spent a fair amount of time going back and forth to the nursing home to see Mom. She was sleeping a lot. She wasn't really eating. In retrospect, it's clear she was preparing to die.

I can't really remember now very much about that time except that we carried on. We brought her clothes Maggie had bought for her, checked in with the nurses, tried to feed her, talked to her, held her hand, sat with her, kissed her forehead. Told her we loved her.

We planned to visit her on Christmas Eve day. Sissy called the nursing home the day before and asked that she be dressed and up in her chair in the Day Room when we arrived. We wanted to eat lunch with her (well, feed her).

When we got there, we went to the Day Room but Mom wasn't there. We asked a nurse where she was but no one seemed to know what was going on. Someone called someone else who said she would bring Mom. We waited. No Mom. Finally, we decided to go to her room.

Mom was in a chair outside her room, slumped over, with something gross coming out of her mouth. It looked like vomit. She didn't respond, wouldn't open her eyes. She looked dead.

Sissy and I started crying. What the fuck was going on?! Was she dead? What was wrong with her?

It was that moment when I knew that if she wasn't already dead, she would be soon. She really was going to die.

I stayed with Mom while Sissy went and got one of the nurses. Mom wasn't dead, but something was obviously wrong. She felt hot. She was sweaty. "Oh," the nurse said, "She has a bladder infection. I should have called you."

Damn right you should have!!! And you should not have gotten her out of bed! Dammit all to hell.

Needless to say, we did not spend Christmas Eve with Mom. We made sure she got put back to bed and was receiving treatment for the infection. We spent the next few days checking in on her. She was responsive only a few times after that. Within a few days, we received a call from, and met with, the hospice nurse, who advised us that Mom was dying. We made the decision to put Mom on hospice. Within a day of that decision, a week after our harrowing Christmas Eve experience, Mom passed on quietly with Sissy at her side.