The Joyce James Saga, Pt. 1

That's right. Joyce James, not vice versa. But a saga, none-the-less.

I met Joyce at one of the Jesus People functions. I don't remember whether it was at the coffee house or one of the bonfires. I also don't remember anything about our first meeting, or how it evolved into what it did. In fact, when I stop and try and remember, it's hard to understand how any of it happened. It seems almost unreal, mythological. I also don't remember exactly how old I was, although I think it started the summer after I turned 12.

12. What an impossibly young age, certainly too young to be romantically involved with someone who had graduated from high school and had a baby. Certainly too young to have one single clue about what I was getting into and to understand that Joyce had no business messing with me.

Joyce was 19.

19, African American (this matters because of the time and place, 1972, Maryville, Tennessee, the South), living in Alcoa with her mom and her baby, and an alcoholic (although of course I didn't understand that at the time). She was funny, smart, athletic. And charismatic. However it started, when she showed an interest in me, I felt "chosen," and being chosen by someone was a very powerful drug given that I felt abandoned by my mother, unwanted by my brother, and my sister was largely absent from my life.

The coffee house was above The Love Shop. The Love Shop's previous incarnation was a head shop, owned by my best friend's brother. We used to hang out there and feel really cool. Incense, leather jewelry, beads, black lights, "Jesus sandals," and posters. I guess he must've had pipes and bongs and papers, too, but I don't really remember all that.

But then Johnny got busted and sent away to the work farm and his mother took over the shop and turned it into The Love Shop, a Christian bookstore. Needing to roll with the situation and wanting to still belong somewhere, Diane and I made the transition from budding hippies to Jesus People. This wasn't too difficult given that all the Jesus People were ex-hippies (meaning they no longer smoked pot, supposedly).

I wish I could remember the who and how of everything. I guess because the coffee house was part of The Love Shop, Mom and Daddy didn't worry about me going there. I guess it seemed like a safe place. The thing is, I don't remember Diane's mom every being there. I just remember sitting around on bean bags and cushions and old couches, listening to preaching and guitar playing and singing.

"And that hammer fell
on the wooden nail
through his hand into the cross
and they laughed at him"

I remember being in love with Mickey and being into Courtney (a boy-I plaited his hair one time while he, Diane, and I sat in The Love Shop). I remember Joyce being mad at me for being into Courtney, making fun of me, even though she and I were just "sisters in Christ."

That's how she sold our relationship to me at first. Our love was Christian love, therefore it was all OK.

Oh, it was so not all OK.